Night Talks
by ofbetterdays
Summary: Haruka isn't good at comforting people. But he tries for Nagisa anyway.


Nagisa calls Haruka after swim practice. It's the home phone that rings, and not his cell phone, which forces him to climb out of the tub to pick it up. Nagisa greets Haruka with the customary "Haru-chan, hi!"

"Nagisa."

"Mm, sorry to bring this up on short notice, but...can I stay over? I won't be too rowdy, I promise!"

"…"

"For the night of course! Please?"

"It'll be too troublesome. I don't have a guest bedroom."

"Aww...then can I sleep on the floor in your room?"

"Your back will hurt."

"Then the couch? It's…" Nagisa trails off, leaving him curious, "really important, I guess…" His voice sounds slightly off. _Really important_.

"Is there anything going on?" Haruka asks tentatively, unsure of what to say, should the answer be yes. He waits for a split-second.

"What?"

Haruka breathes deeply. "Why is this important?"

Nagisa giggles softly, as if the question is silly. He doesn't notice that Nagisa laughs a beat too late..

"Be-_cause_," Nagisa stresses, "I haven't spent any time with you, Haru-chan! All alone and stuff! So tonight will make up for that! Is that okay?"

"Fine. I guess. When are you coming?"

"Ah...mm...maybe, uh, six or something...Haru-chan?"

"Yeah?"

" Let me pack first and then I'll call, okay? Stay out of the tub or something! See you later, Haru-chan!" Nagisa chirps.

"See yo-"

"Wait! I forgot! Can you do something for me?"

"Sure."

"Um, can it just be, you know, us two? Mako-chan and Rei-chan don't need to know… right? Is that okay with you? I mean…" Haruka is puzzled. Usually it's the entire group hanging out. But he guesses that it's fine, just the two of them for one night.

"Haru-chan? You there?"

"It's fine, Nagisa. You can come."

"Yes! Alright then, bye, Haru-chan!"

He puts down the phone, reluctantly deciding to stay out of the tub for the rest of the evening, though he makes mackerel for dinner. There is some juice in the fridge, though he isn't sure what flavor; he pours it out anyway, one glass for Nagisa.

It's mango, he realizes, while tossing out the carton. He waits and waits. He considers calling Makoto, but the thought of bothering him (he's with the twins at the dentist) this late is troublesome. Besides, Nagisa asked him not to. So he won't.

* * *

Nagisa is at the door. He's all smiles, still in his uniform, blazer and all, despite it being six already. He hugs Haruka in his standard way, all the while rambling, "Haru-chan, it's so quiet here without Mako-chan and Rei-chan..." "Haru-chan, thanks for having me," "Haru-chan, I can't wait to spend the night here!"

Haruka takes his all in stride, used to his mannerisms. He finds it over-the-top sometimes, but Nagisa is rather adamant about showering affection anyway.

"There's fried mackerel for dinner," Haruka says immediately, once Nagisa lets go of him. The younger boy makes a little cheer, stomach growling, and sits down comfortably. Haru prepares to get the rest of the mackerel ready in case the blonde finishes early.

Surprisingly, he isn't wolfing down his food with gusto.

He's eating it, sure, but rather slowly. Haruka thinks it's to enjoy the meal. He himself takes a bit of time to eat, but then again he's always been a slow eater. Maybe the food is sour? The smell is weird? Nagisa's eaten his cooking before...so…

"Haru-chan, let's play video games afterwards, okay?" Haru nods, and Nagisa adds, "But nothing too boring, I wanna stay up all night if I have to!"

"Nagisa," he tries again, but stops himself.

"Yeah?"

"...Finish your dinner. I'll get the game set up." Haruka excuses himself, while he goes to his room to dust off his old games. He chooses Deep Sea Crossing: New Reef and boots it onto his console, fishing around for his two controllers.

He hears a sniffle coming from the living room.

"Nagisa?"

"Ah...Haru-chan?" Nagisa pops around the corner, holding his mostly finished plate. "I'm still eating...sorry!"

"It's fine. Come over here. You can take Makoto's controller for tonight."

"But the food…"

"Leave it."

As the game's START screen flashes, Nagisa settles onto Haruka's bed, lying on his belly. Haruka can't see his face, so he opts for turning his face and attention towards the game.

* * *

They've been playing for two hours, and Nagisa has been oddly silent while the game's loud soundtrack fills the room. Haruka begins to feel a headache around eight, shutting the game off and letting the room fall silent. The lights were turned off at around seven-thirty, giving the atmosphere a bit of eeriness to it.

He hears an attempt at quiet sniffling again, and pulls Nagisa up from his position. He can't see Nagisa in the dark, but he can hear that little sniffle. It's not a cold that Nagisa has, because he's been in good health since his major fever in spring.

"I'm turning on the light," he says, making sure to turn on his bedside lamp instead of the bright overhead ones.

His friend's face, is the kind of face that is blank, as if hiding something, or more aptly, trying to push back overwhelming emotions. It's the first clue Haruka finally picks up on. Certainly not the last he gets.

"Nagisa," he repeats for the third time today.

"Haru-chan?" Nagisa says- and that's what tips him off for sure. It's hard and brittle, something that sounds utterly out of place.

"You're sad," he remarks.

Nagisa freezes right there, silent for a second.

"No," Nagisa replies quickly, "no, I'm not. I, um, I think I might be having, uh, a cold or something." He wasn't sick. "'Cause I used to have loads of them, I think, um, when I was little, remember?" He never got sick as a child. "Haru-chan?"

"That's not true," he presses.

"I'm _fine_. C'mon," Nagisa says, lifting himself from the bed, "let's play a board game or two, maybe Monopo-"

Haruka catches Nagisa's wrist.

It's warm and damp.

"Nagisa," he says, tension growing thicker in his throat. "Answer me. What's with you?"

"It's nothing!" Nagisa yells, eyes wide. "I'm fine, can we do something el-"

"_No_," he objects, unconsciously squeezing Nagisa's wrist. "Tell me what's wrong."

"I…" Nagisa falters, frozen to the spot. "I can't...I don't…I shouldn't...Haru-chan..."

At that last whimper, Haruka lets go of Nagisa, afraid of hurting the younger. He's scared, scared of his friend, and scared of what's making him like this. This isn't the cheerful, dynamic boy who started up their club, or brought them a friend and a teammate, or the kid who followed after them when they were little.

He's absolutely nothing like the Nagisa that Haruka knows. And that scares Haruka the most right now, in the dimmed light of his bedroom.

* * *

Ten minutes of suffocating silence follow. Nagisa doesn't try to sniffle, but his ragged breathing is there. Haruka stays silent. He doesn't know what to do, now that Nagisa's crying. It's not like when they were kids, when Nagisa would cry over a sister's prank or a melted ice cream. It's deeper. Nagisa, in this past year of reuniting with him, has never once cried or gotten upset.

He's been the only one out of their entire group who went through all that trouble, all that drama and fighting, all without cracking.

This is the cracking.

But why? he asks himself. Why now?

"Haru-chan…" Nagisa starts, tugging at Haruka's sleeve gently. "I'm kind of sorry. I'm being a kid...aren't I..."

"No. It's...okay."

"Just...just don't tell Mako-chan, or Rei-chan, or Rin-chan, or anyone else what I'm going to say…please?"

"..."

"It's just...I don't know. I don't know how to explain it...I'm scared and I don't know if anyone else…I...I just...

"I...I don't w-want this year to end, Haru-chan," Nagisa says shakily. "I don't w-want you guys to go," he adds, hands curling into fist.

"I don't want R-Rei-chan…" He breaks off, trying to swallow the lumps in his throat. "I don't want him to go either."

"A-and I don't _want _ou-our team to b-break up," he adds, shoulders starting to shake. "N-not after w-we…." He breaks off, unable to say the word.

He doesn't have to. Haruka embraces him, pulling the younger boy into his chest protectively. The tears spill out of Nagisa, dampening his shoulder, and Haruka realizes that this is the same Nagisa he knows, just a different side that he's learned to bottle away for all these years. Nagisa is brave and he's strong, and he treasures their friendships most of all.

The future is what Nagisa is scared of, a future where Nagisa is left alone, once more as a child. A future where they can't, don't, _won't_ swim together. They are too far apart, stuck in their own worlds. That's Nagisa's worst fear, being alone, with no one else with him. Nagisa _is_ sensitive, after all; they all are, and maybe no one else realizes yet how much the end of this summer is going to hurt them.

But Haruka, for all of the worry he feels towards his childhood friend, can only pat Nagisa's back and hug him, with arms going all the way around the younger teen.

He should have realized it sooner, he reflects, berating himself internally. He can feel Nagisa's smaller frame shaking against him and his heart pounding and he himself is wracked with guilt. A "sorry" is all he can offer at the moment.

* * *

He stays with Nagisa like that for the next hour or so, until he calms down. Haruka doesn't say anything to him, since there is nothing he can say to make Nagisa's worries go away. It doesn't matter. The silence seems to be tranquil now.

"Haru-chan...are you still awake?" Nagisa asks softly. Haruka makes an affirmative sound, stretching himself out on the floor. He didn't realize Nagisa was awake at this time.

"Hey…"

"I'm awake, Nagisa," he says, turning over to face the bed. Nagisa rolls himself to the edge to see Haruka. The former's face is calmer. He's smiling the sort of calm smile Haruka would expect on Makoto or Rei, one of those quiet smiles that Nagisa rarely settles for. It's also a sad smile, as if he still hasn't stopped worrying about the future.

It's okay. No one said he had to bottle those emotions up.

"Haru-chan, about what I said earlier…" Nagisa trails off, looking slightly embarrassed. "I'm sorry about breaking down like that."

"You don't have to apologize for anything," Haruka replies instantly, " It's how you feel."

Nagisa yawns against his pillow. "Ah, I forgot to tell you this, but I guess I couldn't while blubbering back there, could I?

"I don't want to cling to you guys...but I don't want to be all alone either," He laughs softly. "Isn't that weird?

"But it's true. I love being friends with all of you guys. And meeting you when we were little...I think that was one of the best moments in my life.

"So when I didn't see you guys in middle school...swimming by myself was tough, you know…Rin-chan wasn't there to teach me, and you and Mako-chan weren't there to swim with...I was so lonely. It's empty sometimes, when people who make a big impression are away from you..." Nagisa stops, shaking his head. "That won't happen. I'll make sure of it," he promises.

"It won't happen for sure," Haruka murmurs, softly. "You don't have to guarantee me something that big."

"Well...I'm done crying about it, so I guess I don't have to worry about it." Nagisa beams down at his friend. He holds out his pinky to Haruka.

"But I hope...I hope we don't end up falling apart after the year ends. Even if you three leave, I want to make the swimming club's new team shine like ours will," he says, grinning like his usual self. "And you can come back and watch us swim, Haru-chan."

Haruka blinks at the childish gesture, then links his pinky to Nagisa's.

"Oh, and Haru-chan?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for everything."

"It was nothing."

"Night?"

"Night."

_end_

* * *

**_Hey. This is my first Free! fic, so apologies for any OOCness. I haven't read High Speed and this was finished a few hours before watching the new episode. It's my take on Nagisa's conflict this season, and I always imagined Nagisa to dread the end of the summer, for being unable to swim in a relay with his friends anymore as a team, as well as dread the end of the year, when Haruka, Makoto, and Rin leave Nagisa behind. _**

**_Thanks for reading!_**


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